CSI: The Musical
by melody425
Summary: This story is inspired by Jorja Fox. Grissom is unconscious and his mind takes him on a musical journey involving everyone in the lab. Robbin's is my version of Maniac, by Michael Sembello. Please review! I do not own any of the characters or the music.
1. Prologue

Gil Grissom loves experiments. He loves reading about them, creating them, and most of all, doing them. He likes the idea of not knowing what will happen. Everyone knows that Gil Grissom is not a very spontaneous man, heck, even he knows it, but doing experiments is his way of feeling uncontrived. Well, if Grissom knew what the results of his most recent experiment were going to be like, he would never have even started.

It all began when he and his girlfriend slash co-worker, Sara Sidle, found a mystery blue, paste like substance at a robbery scene. The paste was found beside a broken window. The glass in the window wasn't broken; it was just the wooden window frame that was warped. The burglar or burglars must have pried the window open with something and entered the house that way as no other windows were disturbed and there were no signs of forced entry at any of the doors. Grissom and Sara both pondered if the blue substance might have aided the perpetrators in getting the window open.

After all the evidence was collected from the scene, Grissom gave Sara the task of going door to door with Captain Jim Brass and Detective Sophia Curtis, to interview residents to see if they saw anything suspicious. Now, since Grissom and Sara have been together for a little over two years, Sara believes that she knows her man pretty well and could predict what he would do in most situations, which is why she didn't even have to guess what he was going to do while she was gone.

"Just don't blow the lab up hun," Sara said in a tone that reminded Grissom of his mother.

"I promise I won't, _**mom**_," he replied smirking at her.

Sara knew better than to start one of their lengthy discussions about her mothering tendencies at a crime scene, so she just rolled her eyes at him and walked away.

Grissom had a smile on his face as she walked away. Not only had he found someone to love in life (which no one ever thought would never happen by the way), but he was going to get to plan and execute an experiment! It felt like Christmas for Grissom.

When he got back to the lab, he immediately started the investigative process. He noted the qualitative aspects of the substance: the blue colour, the paste like texture, the slightly acidic smell, and of course, the taste. Grissom noted that it tasted similar to the sour milk he tested in his last experiment. He also took the quantitative results, which showed the blue goop had a pH of 4 and contained lipids and proteins.

Satisfied with his analysis so far, Grissom decided he wanted to know if the blue stuff was flammable, so he went to get the blow torch and put it under the fume hood with the blue paste. He quickly turned on the blow torch and closed the fume hood. For the next few minutes Grissom watched the blow torch char the paste. As the paste burned, it gave off a blue smoke. This intrigued Grissom greatly and instead of grabbing a mask to protect himself from the fumes, he just went ahead and opened the fume hood, causing him to breathe in the blue smoke. The blue smoke smelled awful like rotten eggs. Grissom had to close his eyes as the smoke burned his eyes and a dull pain coursed through his nostrils and head. When he opened his eyes a few seconds later, everything was hazy and Grissom felt like the world was becoming dark. Within the next minute Grissom was in a heap on the floor unconscious. It was in this moment though, that his subconscious kicked into overdrive.


	2. Greg

In a flash, Grissom was entering the break room. The break room looked normal with its folders scattered on the table and the smell of Greg's Blue Hawaiian coffee in the coffee pot, but something was off. Greg was sitting at the table which wasn't weird, but what was weird was what he was wearing: a tight, sequined muscle shirt, black leather pants, and a red feather boa.

"Greg," Grissom asked, "what in the world are you wearing?"

"Well," Greg started to sing, "I'm too sexy for my lab, too sexy for lab. Everyone's in love with me."

Grissom was stunned as the beat of the music started and Greg jumped out of his chair to start dancing the hustle.

"I'm too funny for my boss, too funny for my boss, so funny he never laughs. And I'm too flirty for my boss's girlfriend, too flirty for Sara, Catherine and Wendy."

Grissom continued to watch an intense Greg do peace signs with his hands.

"And I'm too wacky for our staff parties, too wacky for the parties. No way I'm not disco dancing. I'm a genius, you know what I mean, and I do my little flirt at the crime scene. Yeah at the crime scene, at the crime scene yeah, I turn my little flirt on at the crime scene."

Grissom then had to endure Greg doing poses as if he were a male model at a photo shoot.

"I'm too perfect for our Ecklie, too perfect for our Ecklie, too perfect by far. And I'm too perky for my job, too perky for my job that deals with death. I'm a hair stylist, you know what I mean, and I change my hair style every day. Yeah every day, every day yeah, I shake my head of hair around the break room."

Greg then started flinging his boa around.

"I'm too sexy for everything, too sexy for everything, too sexy for everything. 'Cos I'm Greggo, you know what I mean, and I do my little act around the ladies. Yeah around the ladies, yeah around the ladies yeah, I shake my little tush around the ladies. I'm too smart for our Hodges, too smart for our Hodges, poor Hodges, poor pathetic Hodges. I'm too awesome for myself, too awesome for myself. Everything loves me, and I'm too sexy for this song."

Greg then took a dramatic bow as the setting around Grissom began to change. It didn't take Grissom long to figure out where he was; he was at his Townhouse.


	3. Sara

Grissom realized within a few seconds that he was in the upper hallway of his townhouse. Down the hall was his bedroom and he heard music coming from it. For the last little while, Sara had practically been living at his place and she liked music, so normally music coming from their room was, well, normal, but this music was different.

As Grissom opened the door, his eyes were greeted by a strange sight. Sara, was in lace. Sara was a bit of a tom boy, so you would think that it would be a dream for Grissom to have Sara in lace, but this lace was on a tutu. Sara was standing on their bed wearing black boots, fish net stockings, a pink and black tutu, and a tight pink t-shirt. Sara was also playing a guitar which Grissom didn't know she could do and had thick black eyeliner, mascara, and ruby red lips.

All of a sudden, she noticed Grissom's presence, gave him a smile, and started playing a new song.

"Yay! Yay! Wahoo! I'm like finally your girlfriend! Yes way! Yes way! It took you damn long enough. Yay! Yay! Wahoo! I'll always be your girlfriend. Yay! Yay! Wahoo! I've always known that you've liked me. Yes way! Yes way! You tried to keep it like a secret. Yay! Yay! Wahoo! I'm like finally your girlfriend!"

Grissom was speechless at Sara's rocker chick slash valley girl persona. He couldn't believe that she was using like so much.

"Bugman's so fine, now he's mine. You're so delicious. They wonder if we're together all the time. We're so addictive. Don't they see how we act together in plain sight? Don't pretend I think you know we're damn sneaky. Oh yeah, I'm going to be your one and only missus. We'll get married soon, hey maybe even tonight."

Grissom's jaw-dropped at her mention of marriage. He never thought she would want to do the marriage thing, but then she wasn't really herself. Maybe she had hit her head.

"Lady Heather's so whatever. You knew you could do so much better and now we are together now.And that's what Lady Heather's crying about!"

Grissom started to turn red at her mention of Lady Heather. He never knew that Sara knew about them. Suddenly, in a blue puff of smoke, Heather appeared on one side of the bed.

"Hey! Hey! Heather! I'm now like his girlfriend! Yes way! Yes way! I think you need a new toy. Hey! Hey! Heather! Greg would love to be your boyfriend!"

At that moment Heather started to wail into the arms of Greg Sanders who Grissom didn't see enter into the picture.

"Hey! Hey! Heather! I know he never liked you. Yes way! Yes way! Leather's just not his thing. Hey! Hey! Heather! Even Doc Robbins would be your boyfriend!"

Grissom smiled at the fact that Sara knew he was a lace not a leather man. Now, Grissom noticed as he pulled away from his thoughts, Doc Robbins had somehow come in and was now on Heather's other side. He also became startled when he noticed that Brass was now standing next to him giving him reproachful glares.

"Brass can see, Brass can see the way you look at me and even when you look away he knows you think of me. He's noticed how you talk about me all the time again and again. He's coming over here and he'll tell us what we don't want to hear. Watch out for Ecklie and make your relationship disappear! I don't want to hear Ecklie's name ever again and again and again and again!"

Grissom couldn't believe that Brass was wagging his finger in Grissom's face over his relationship with Sara.

"Terri's like so whatever. You knew you could do so much better and now we are together now. And that's what divorced Terri's screaming about!"

Grissom sighed as Terri was zapped into his bedroom which was now getting quite crowded. He felt sorry for her that he broke her heart.

"Hey! Hey! Terri! I stole your entomologist! Yes way! Yes way! It was over anyway. Hey! Hey! Terri! Sophia could be your girlfriend!"

Grissom was shocked to see Sophia now stroking Terri's blonde hair. He shivered at the thought that he was once interested in Sophia.

"Hey! Hey! Terri! No one ever liked you. Yes way! Yes way! We've never tried to keep a secret. Hey! Hey! Terri! Maybe Cath would be your girlfriend!"

Grissom was flabbergasted to see Catherine shrugging at him on the other side of Terri and then putting her arm around the crying blonde.

The music then took a pop like change and Grissom's attention was drawn back to Sara who was still standing on their bed. She threw down her guitar and jumped off the bed. She then started doing cookie cutter pop dance moves that Grissom had only seen in Britney Spears' music videos.

"In a second Griss'll be wrapped around my finger. Cuz I did, cuz I did it better. There's never been another. So when's it going to sink in? You were all so stupid. What the heck were you all thinking?!"

Heather and Terri burst into a fresh batch of tears at Sara's comment. Sara continued to dance her way towards Grissom until she started to run and jumped into Grissom's arms. He caught her and she beamed up at him.

"Hey! Hey! Girls! Girls! I'm now like his girlfriend! Yes way! Yes way! I think you all need new boys. Hey! Hey! Girls! Girls! Greg would love to be all your boyfriends!"

Grissom couldn't help but laugh as Heather and Terri each took one of Greg's arms and left the room, leaving Doc Robbins, Catherine, and Sophia a little bummed. Sara then jumped down from Grissom's arms, blew him a kiss, and bowed as her music ended.

Again, like after Greg's performance, the setting around Grissom began to change. Grissom didn't recognize the new place he was in until he saw his fellow co-worker.


	4. Catherine

Grissom was confused at first. The décor of the room was definitely masculine, but it was Catherine Willows who was walking into the room wearing an odd ensemble. She was wearing a strapless pink ball gown, pink gloves, and loads of jewelry. It reminded Grissom of Madonna's "Material Girl" phase. Sure enough, the music started and Grissom recognized that familiar late eighties tune. What did surprise Grissom though, was who entered the room carrying glasses of champagne. That person was Warrick Brown wearing a tuxedo. He set down the glasses on the side table and then moved over to Catherine as she began to sing.

"Some boys kiss me, some boys hug me, and I think they're o.k. But if they're not my Warrick, I just walk away. They can be dark and beautiful, but they just don't compare to him, that's right. 'Cause the guy with the small compact afro, will always be my mister right."

During Catherine's first verse, Warrick had moved over and was standing behind Catherine with his arms wrapped around her waist as they swayed to the music. The public display of affection only slightly shocked Grissom as he had suspected that they liked each other and he was in the same position with Sara so he understood.

"'Cause we are both living in a dark cruel world and I am a CSI girl. He knows that we are living in a murderous world and he is a CSI guy."

From behind Grissom entered Greg and Nick. Greg was holding a spectacular red rose and Nick, well; he was slow dancing with an inflatable doll. Grissom could tell that they were both trying to impress Catherine. She and Warrick merely laughed at the sight of both of them.

"Greg romances, Nick slow dances, that's all right with me. But Warrick's the only one who raises my interest, so I have to let the others be."

Again, from behind Grissom, someone entered. This time it was Brass looking nervous while carrying a box of chocolate. Grissom guessed that they were for Catherine. Catherine took the chocolates, but dismissed Brass away.

All of a sudden Grissom had no control over his body and his legs started to make their way towards the crowd of guys gathering around Catherine. 

"Brass tries and Grissom lies, but I don't let them play. Only Warrick who saves me from falling  
makes my rainy day."

Grissom was outraged that Catherine thought he had lied to her. He had never lied to her about anything or…anyone. Okay, yes, he had lied. He realized now that she was referring to the time when he and Sara were dating secretly and they didn't tell anyone.

"'Cause we are both living in a crime infested world and I am a CSI girl. He knows that we are living in a drugged up world and he is a CSI guy."

Now the crowd around Catherine was breaking up. Greg took a few steps closer to her, while Nick just gave up and walked away. 

"Greg's may come and Nick's may go, but that's all right you see. Warrick has made me fall in love and now I'm after him."

Grissom was now witnessing a sight he thought he would never see. Catherine and Warrick began waltzing around the room. Warrick's coat tails were flying and Catherine's dressed swished as she moved.

"'Cause we're all living in a drunken world and I am a CSI girl. We know we're living in a dangerous world and I need my CSI guy!"

Warrick swept Catherine around the floor for a final time as she curtsied. Grissom was starting to get the pattern as the setting changed once again. He felt differently at first standing in what looked like a bar. His feet felt weird. Then Grissom took a glance down at his feet and was surprised at what he saw. Was he wearing, cowboy boots? 


	5. Nick

Yes indeed. Gil Grissom was not only wearing brown leather cowboy boots complete with spurs, but he was also wearing a yellow fringed leather jacket, extremely tight jeans, and a black rhinestone cowboy hat. As Grissom took in his outfit, he heard the sound of spurs spinning and he looked towards the bar door. A second later, Nick barged through the door wearing apparel similar to Grissom's, but with chaps, and a lasso.

As Nick ye-hawed and swung his lasso around, country music complete with a banjo started to get louder. As the introduction music played on, Nick walked up to the bar near Grissom and slapped the bar counter. A bartender appeared out of thin air and slid a pink coloured Shirley Temple, complete with cherries, down the bar to Nick. Nick caught it in his right hand and took a big sip out of the pink and yellow twizzle straw.

Nick then sat down on the stool beside Grissom and began to sing, "I prefer the microscope to the magnifying glass. And I tend to think that Greg Sanders is too thin. And I think that I'm hot and women should just flock to me, but that's just me."

Nick then stood up and started doing some impressive tricks with the lasso which of course made the women in the bar flock to him. He started singing to them, "The best of crimes to work are homicides. Workin' still beats football if you always get the guy. And coffee's kind of pointless if it isn't Greg's Blue Hawaiian, but that's just me."

Greg suddenly popped up from behind the bar and Nick exchanged his Shirley Temple for a cup of coffee. As Nick took a sip, Grissom heard voices on the other side of him that he recognized. Hodges and Ecklie were sitting at a table, each drinking a beer. Hodges had his usual butt kissing smirk on his face and like usual, Ecklie was trying to make himself look important. Nick walked over to them and sat on their table.

"And I believe in little that Ecklie says and only half of what Hodges tells me. And I believe that catchin' criminals is harder than it used to be. And I'm convinced Grissom loving Sara is going to be his secret to his longevity, but that's me."

Grissom turned red when Nick sung of his "longevity."

"I've never seen a place that I like more than CSI. When I go to the lab I don't wear a lab coat.  
And I'll buy the filters, but I ought to get Greg's coffee for free. But only free for me."

"I've never even been to Lady Heather's, but I'm a man. And I accept the fact that Catherine and Sara are just hard to understand. And I think that Grissom takes himself too seriously. He's never hugged me."

As Nick pouted over Grissom never hugging him, Grissom's attention was drawn to Catherine and Sara who were sitting on bar stools crying while watching, "The Bridges of Madison County." Grissom rolled his eyes.

"And I believe in flirting with hot suspects as long as they flirt with me. And I believe that catchin' a good woman is harder than it used to be. And I'm convinced Hodges kissing Ecklie's butt is going to be his secret to his longevity. I'm glad I'm me. Who else would I want to be? Maybe Bruce Lee."

Grissom laughed as Hodges rolled out a red carpet for Ecklie to walk on as they left the bar. Abruptly, Grissom heard a loud crack and turned back to Nick to see him now dressed as Bruce Lee. He began cracking boards over his head. When the music stopped, Nick bowed martial arts style, and then things became fuzzy yet again for Grissom. It took a minute for his eyes to readjust. He immediately knew that he was in the morgue at CSI headquarters, but why was he lying on an autopsy table?

Thanks to Krysnel Domeri Nicavis for the song idea!


	6. Doc Robbins

Before Grissom saw anything, he heard the upbeat eighties music he was so used to hearing coming from Doc Robbins lab, but Doc Robbins, once Grissom saw him, was not his usual self. He was holding a scalpel in one hand which was normal, but his cane in his other was not its ordinary gray colour. Instead, it was covered in pink sequins, with "The Doc," written on it in gold glitter glue. "The Doc," was also not wearing his normal scrubs, he was wearing a one piece blue, spandex disco outfit that had gold fringe on the shoulders and the arms.

As Robbins came closer to the autopsy table, he started to sing.

"Just a small town coroner in the morgue at night, looking for the cut that took John Doe's life. In our crime filled world, I'm the first one they call. They all say it's crazy. I know all the CSI's by heart. I see them get into fights. Gil and Sara are in the danger zone when the boss becomes the boy. Ecklie can cut you like a knife if the pupil becomes the flame on the wire between what Gil and Sara will be."

Grissom sighed as he was getting frustrated that he and Sara kept being brought up in these strange and twisted songs. All of a sudden, Robbins moved away from the autopsy table. Grissom sat up so he could see him better. "The Doc," began dancing the hammer time shuffle to the right and then the left as he continued to sing. 

"I'm a brainiac, brainiac in the morgue. And I'm cutting like I've never cut before. I'm a brainiac, brainiac in the morgue. And I'm thinking like I've never thought before."

Sweating, and huffing from his dancing, Robbins made his way over to Grissom with his scalpel. Grissom got scared as it came close to his head, but then it passed right by. He looked over at his other side, and there was Catherine wearing an ice blue, v-neck sweater that Doc was now pointing to with his scalpel. Also, Warrick was beside Catherine. He had his one hand on her shoulder, and was trying to wrap his other arm around her, but there seemed to be some sort of force field not letting him do so. 

"On the ice blue neckline of Catherine's insanity, it's a place only Warrick ever sees. It's a hard won place of history. He can touch her, but can't hold her. He's worked all his life for that moment in time; she could come or pass him by. She's a push, shove girl, but there's always a chance if their hunger for each other stays the night."

In a flash, Cath and Warrick were gone and Brass and Sophia took their places. Brass began reaching out to Sophia with a box of chocolates and a bouquet of flowers in his hand. 

"Brass has a cold kinetic heat. Struggling, stretching for Sophie. Never stopping with his head against the door. I'm a brainiac, brainiac, I sure know. I've never known the changes in the CSI's before. I'm a brainiac, brainiac, I sure know. And the CSI's are in relationships like they've never been before."

Then, in a quick moment, Sophia and Brass came together and morphed into a giant Ecklie, holding a giant butcher knife in his hand. 

"Ecklie can cut you like a knife if the employee becomes the girl on the wire between what Cath and Warrick will be. I'm a brainiac, brainiac, I sure know. I've never known the changes in the CSI's before. I'm a brainiac, brainiac, I sure know. And the CSI's are in relationships like they've never been before. Brainiac, brainiac, I sure know. And the CSI's are getting it on, like they never have before."

Grissom began to laugh at the last line of the song as the song finished because it was something the normal, non-spandex wearing, Doc Robbins wouldn't have said, but hey, Grissom realized three songs ago that we was not in the normal world. As Grissom pondered the abnormal world he had somehow stepped into, he was transported to another apartment. Guessing whose place it was wasn't hard as soon as Grissom head Rhythm and Blues coming from the room next door.


End file.
